


Trying to mend

by EndearingFond



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, But I'll fix it don't worry, It won't portray as actual infidelity, It's just misunderstanding, M/M, Mentions Of Infidelity
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-03-14
Updated: 2017-03-27
Packaged: 2018-10-05 04:32:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,431
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10297592
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EndearingFond/pseuds/EndearingFond
Summary: Louis tries to mend back the most valuable thing that he broke, Harry's heart.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So i was just kinda scribbling and stuff and this first chapter happened. I am not sure where I'll go ahead with this so leave me any prompts or ideas if you have in mind. I'll try and incorporate them :) 
> 
> I am @28tattedlou on Twitter, hmu there if you want :) 
> 
> Happy reading xx

" _What if we lost the reason we were fighting for?", Harry whispered while Louis fisted his fingers tighter than he could, knuckles almost turning white._

~~~~

  
Louis still remembers that night, the night that he lost everything, the night when all he had to do was deny the single question Harry asked him, but he couldn't. It was not like he did it on purpose, he had to. He knew what it would bring but he had to, he promised his boy, he promised Harry they would be free soon, just that he didn't know the price he would have to pay for it.

  
" **One stunt for the other** ", it was not that simple when the head of the the public relations briefed him with. They said like it was the only way out. But at that time, it seemed like the only possible way for him to get out of the contract, to get out of the mess that his previous management left for him. Louis knew that his current team was no good as well, that all they wanted was to milk him for more money and destroy him and his public image but he knew that after going to all this hassle, he could go home to Harry at night. To his safe haven, to his home, who would be there to hold him and assure him that they are going to be okay, but now he went to an empty house and a deafening silence, to a place which smells of him and not Harry anymore, a place that doesn't feel safe anymore, a place that he can't call home anymore, because Harry is not there.

  
It has been around a few months since they last talked, since he heard that soothing voice that could bring him to peace, the voice that grounded him, the voice that belonged to his Harry. It's unnerving and killing at the same time how just a few rushed decisions can leave you broken and empty. That night when he said that his team decided to bring Eleanor back in the picture, Harry simply lost it. Louis knew, he knew what Harry would draw out of this entire situation, he knew and he still went ahead with it because they promised to get him an out of it, to get him out of the mess that his previous management left him with. It wasn't supposed to be this way though, he was supposed to have Harry by his side, but he doesn't have and he knows that it gets hard, it got the same for Harry as well, and Louis knows it.

Louis is currently on his third bottle of the night, reminiscing the past few months and thinking about his boy-, no, wait, ex-boyfriend, Harry Styles. Can his life get any more pathetic? Here he is, freshly out of a publicity stunt, currently wrapped up in his own filth, a bottle of Vodka wrapped around his fingers while he is trying so hard to not bang his head against the wall. When and why did his life become so messy and complicated?

' _since you fell in love with your bandmate'_ , his conscience added.

Just when he is about to drop the bottle and go to sleep, he feels his phone vibrate from somewhere around him and he starts rummaging around to get hold it.

"Switch on your TV", said the text that Liam has sent him.

Louis fought between whether to listen to Liam or simply retire to bed and his trail of thoughts were interrupted when another message came in "Open any news channel", and well, Louis was confused and drunk and so he just wanted to get this over with and fall face down on his bed.

Plopping down on the couch, Louis switched the television on and flicked through the channels before settling down on a decent news channel only for his breath to be knocked down and over because there stood Harry Styles, in all his glory, smiling so big his dimples popping out and the news reader congratulating him on his bravery.

What did I miss?, Louis thought to himself but all his questions were soon answered when he saw the headlines and the word "Coming Out" in Bolds. Harry just came out.

Louis would have been the happiest man on this planet, because his baby finally gets to show the world who he is, he gets to show the world who he has been all along and Louis is happy, he is proud and happy but the curve on his face was soon replaced by a frown when he sees a man wrapping his arms around Harry's waist, whispering things into his Harry's ear that makes his Harry smile and blush. And Louis didn't even know when he grabbed the half-empty bottle of Vodka and just smashed it right at across the television, pieces of glass flying all across the room. He didn't even know when he was being cradled into a warm embrace but he was soon wrapped up in strong arms, while his vision went hazy and blurred.

~~~~~

Louis woke up with a massive headache and an excruciating pain in his ankle which he didn't even know how he had. Just as he tried to sit up and move, a new wave of nausea hit him and he was so close to hurling out all the contents before an empty bin was handed over to him in no time.

"Thanks", Louis didn't even need to look up to know that it was Liam because who else would it be? It's always him, always Liam who mends his fuck ups, mends him as a whole.

"How are you feeling?", Liam voice a mere whisper as if he is afraid if a time bomb to tick off.

"Been better", Louis shrugged as if he didn't even sense a new wave of nausea hit him everytime he reeled back to the clip of the man holding his Harry by the waist, making him smile came running back in his mind.

"You can talk, you know? You can't always run away from him, Louis. You have to face him at some point of time. He is happy, let him have his moment for once and stop being so stubborn? Harry just came out yesterday, Lou.. You know he needs to listen from you, don't you think he deserves that? Congratulate him, leave him a fucking emoji for all I care. Just... Just talk to him, Louis. It's better for you as well", Liam unloaded all of that at once while Louis was trying to find every possible way to leave the planet, even considering talking to the research centres to send him off to a new planet they discovered.

He couldn't come up with a good reason though and simply replied with a "Will text him, Leemo, now get me a cuppa".

Liam knew better than to fight because Louis agreeing to text Harry is more than a progress that they have acquired since the last few months.

A quick shower and a few bites of toast, Louis found himself sitting on top of the couch, typing away a text for Harry and this is probably the hundredth time that he has wrote and rewrote a simple congratulatory text.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry's side of things.

" _Lou?", Harry whispered looking up at Louis from where he placed his chin on Louis' chest_

_"Yeah?", Louis mumbled back while his hand kept stroking Harry's back in soothing circles._

_"How are we gonna do it? You know, coming out to the world?", Harry's voice was a mere whisper sounding unsure and scared while Louis simply tightened his hold around Harry afraid that the world is going to snatch him away from him._

_"I don't know, Haz. We'll just know when we are ready, yeah? Like, suddenly one morning or even late at night, we'll know and we'll do it. I'll be by your side and you'll be by mine. I'll wait for you and i know you'll do the same. I don't want any of us to feel pressured into coming out, baby, I want it to happen when we are both ready to take the big step", Louis replied, his arms encasing his 17 year old boyfriend whom he loves to the moon and back._

_"Together?", Harry asked smiling brightly looking up at Louis._

_"Together.", came Louis' response before he moved down to place a gentle kiss over his boyfriend's head and then both drifting off to sleep._

*****

Now the last part didn't happen. They were supposed to do it together, Louis promised they would but now Harry is standing here with no one to hold him, to keep him grounded, to whisper the exact words that his ears wish to listen. There's no one he could share this with, no one he wanted to share this with rather than Louis but he isn't here.

After the grand scheme of events and a few following interviews later, Harry found himself on the couch of his house with his new companion, Lexi, a small fluffy white kitten that understands him and someone he can hold when he is sad.

Harry is sprawled out on his couch, Lexi atop his chest while he is answering all his messages that his friends and relatives have left him congratulating on his bravery. But deep down Harry just waited for that single text, that familiar name and number to pop up on the screen, even when he didn't feel the urgency, he needed it. He needed to know that Louis is proud of him, even as pathetic as it sounds because he was the one who walked away, he needed that final assurance and that appreciation from Louis. He knew he best not even let his hopes up but deep down he knew that Louis would not ditch him like that, even if he is angry or disappointed.

Scrolling through the texts, Harry replied to all the other boys and even left a small thank you tweet on his twitter account. He was scrolling through his timeline when a certain tweet caught his attention and all he wanted was the ground to swallow him whole because there was Louis, all drunk, grinding along his "girlfriend" with the biggest smile that he could see on his face. They were probably old pictures but well, he didn't see them before.

"Ughh", Harry groaned startling Lexi who looked around the room in surprise.

Harry just cuddled the kitty close to his chest while holding her close as if she is the one who is going to keep him sane and grounded when all that he wanted was to vanish into the thin air.

"I hate this, Lexi. I just hate this. He was supposed to be by my side today but he wasn't, he wasn't there to hold my hand or rub his palms along my back. He wasn't there but I need him", Harry kept speaking to the kitten who was almost asleep with the extra warmth that Harry's arms brought her.

Just as he was about to close his heavy and droopy eyelids, the buzzing of his phone stirred him awake but after the newest revelation of the side of Louis' life that he saw, he didn't want to look at his phone anymore.

Harry just cuddled his fluffy friend closer to his chest resting his head along the arms of the couch and drifting off to sleep.

******

On the other side of London, Louis typed in for the fifteenth time in the message box and finally sent it to the person who meant, rather means the whole world to him.

******

" ** _Congratulations, baby. I am so proud of you_** "

... and if Louis sent the word 'baby' deliberately then no one has to know.

 


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry leaves... again..

Louis had to go out. No wait, let us rephrase that. Louis has to go out on a date with Eleanor and he was tired. He was tired of pretending, he was tired of having to hold someone's hands which do not encase his like Harry's did. Harry's palms are much bigger than Louis' and he loved how Harry's palms literally engulfed his. He felt safe, like nothing could ever touch or cause any harm to him. He felt secure. He didn't have that security anymore.

So, Louis was informed that he had to be ready by 6 and a car was going to pick him up and then drive over to Eleanor's and they would walk out hand in hand to have some cameras shoved into their face to help them land the front page of a daily. It seemed like his life was a cycle, one girl goes out, another comes in and the cycle continues. He didn't seem to understand when this all ends, when he gets to hold Harry's hands and walk out of the house, proud with his head held high. He wanted that so bad but he knew that now that Harry is out there, identifying himself as gay, he would not want to go back to the closet just because of Louis. And Louis could never even think of doing that to Harry. Louis was proud and he wanted Harry to know that as well.

And now here in the present, Louis was dressed in his blank skinnies and a graphic tee with his jacket on waiting for Eleanor to leave the house and enter the car so that they could get this done with. Louis was just tired of being told to do everything, he felt like a puppet being manipulated by his team, but he was tied, his contracts wouldn't let him get away with it.

Sighing loudly, Louis simply told the address of the restaurant to the driver as soon as Eleanor stepped inside the car, sitting closely beside him, their thighs pressing against each other. Louis didn't like it and he started scooting away from her towards the opposite side.

"So, how are you? All good?", Eleanor exclaimed excitedly. Louis knew the reason behind her excitement, the reason why she was jumpy and chirpy all of a sudden because tomorrow's daily would feature how loved up they both were out for a romantic dinner, holding hands, standing close. She liked the fame, she craved for it.

To answer her, Louis simply made a non-committal nod towards her direction not wanting to stretch the conversation any further.

Upon arriving at the spot, Louis walked out of the car, opening the door as an "ideal boyfriend" for Eleanor to step out. Once done, he took her hand and walked towards the restaurant where a swarm of paps were already waiting to shove their cameras onto them, throw questions towards them and simply get a thousand shots of the same frame of the two to print them out with a story.

Louis kept his head low and simply entered the restaurant only to leave it half an hour later through the back door, instructing the driver to take Eleanor back to wherever she wanted while he waited for Liam to pick him up to have a night out with him and Niall. Louis missed this, having a carefree night with the boys, and not caring about anything. Louis missed this and he wanted it all back.

After driving through a few clubs, Louis, Liam and Niall finally stepped out of their car and headed towards a lowkey club in SoHo, making sure nobody saw them enter the club.

"I missed this, lads. I missed having you guys, having a carefree night with you guys. Let's just forget and let's have fun", Louis shouted through the loud music in the club after they situated themselves in a private booth not wanting anyone to invade their bubble.

After the fifth round of shot, it was safe to say that Niall and Louis were completely out of their mind, without any kind of restraints. Since Liam had to drive them back, he simply drank twice and didn't want anymore of it.

"We h-have go-t to d-do this m-more often, mate. I missed you, i missed Leemo, I missed Harr-ry.. W-wait, why is H-Harry not here? HARRY? H-harry", Louis' voice came out slurred and he kept hiccuping while Niall was almost passed out, supporting his head on Louis' shoulder, small hiccups leaving his mouth.

Louis constantly kept reaching for his pockets in search of something but due to the dysfunctional state he was in, his hands kept sliding out of the pocket, instead of inside it. Finally after collecting himself, Louis brought the phone out of his pocket and dialled a number and brought it to his ear while he kept waiting for the person to pick up.

"H-hello?", the voice from the other side of the receiver came out as a bare whisper. It was enough for Louis' breath to catch though.

Someone feeling nothing but a numbing pain, Louis kept blabbering into the speaker, rambling incoherent words while Liam kept his gaze fixed on him, not wanting to break the trance Louis was in.

"Ha-az.. WhY are you n-not here? The lads c-came out with m-me and I am l-looking ar-around b-but y-you are not here, Harry. Why a-are you not here?", Louis almost whisper shouted "I want y-you here" and with that Liam snatched his phone out of Louis' hand making sure he doesn't mess it anymore that he already has.

"Hey, Harry", Liam said through the speaker.

"Um.. Hi Liam.. Where are you guys? Louis is drunk?", Harry's voice was so hesitant because he didn't know if he even had anymore right to know about Louis' whereabouts or health.

"Yeah, just wanted to go out for a bit. Louis and Niall are out like the sun and I have gotta drag them back home now. I'll see you later, mate. Good night" and with that Liam hung up the call stretching his muscles to get these idiots back to their houses.

"Ok, time to go home, lads".

******

After dropping off Niall at his house, Liam drove around and stopped in front of Louis' house to help him back into his room only to find a black Range Rover already waiting in the driveway of Louis' house and Liam didn't need FBI to know that the car belonged to Harry. Harry was here.

Quickly stopping the engine in front of the house, Liam found Harry walking up to his car sporting a small and reluctant smile on his face.

"Hey", Liam said after engulfing Harry in a hug while Harry clinged tighter to him breathing a sigh of relief.

"Uh..I-Uh..I just wanted to make sure he was okay, you know. ", Harry replied hesitantly.

Liam simply nodded his head in assurance. He didn't need to know any explanation why Harry was here.

"Would you take him up and help him then?", Liam knew asking this was a sensitive subject but he wanted to try anyway. He was surprised when Harry simply nodded and reached for the passenger door to help Louis out of the car.

After carefully picking Louis up bridal style, Harry mumbled a quick goodbye before heading into the house only for Louis to curl up more into Harry's embrace nosing his way into Harry's neck, sniffing silently, relishing the moment.

Harry knew Louis was awake. He knew because his breathing was still irregular and Louis constantly kept fisting tighter into Harry's jumper.

"I missed you" and the voice simply pithed its way into Harry's heart shredding it into a million pieces because he missed him too, Harry missed holding Louis, missed his daily routine that he had with Louis, missed his life with Louis.

After opening the door and paving their way back into the bedroom, Harry simply laid Louis down on the bed only for Louis to tighten his fists into Harry's jumper, not letting go of him.

"Please don't leave", Louis mumbled choking back a sob "I need you".

"I won't", Harry replied although he knew he was lying.

*****

Waking up in the morning, Louis groaned out loud adjusting his vision to the harsh sunlight illuminating the room only for his mind to reel back to the events of last night, especially the last part of it.

Louis frantically looked around the room in search of the person who he longed for everyday, every second of his life only to be welcomed with loneliness and an empty room.

"You left", Louis whispered unsure why he even expected Harry would be here " **Again** ", and if Louis didn't stop his tears from rolling down his cheeks and he screamed out in self loathing and agony, then no one has to know.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mentions of infidelity

Harry was simply so close to drawing Louis up in his arms and just kiss his pout away. He was almost going to give in and forgive Louis. But, his conscience stepped in and he couldn't be any more thankful right at that moment. Harry simply wanted to forget the moment he lost Louis, forget the moment that he saw the pictures and felt his entire world collapse. He didn't even want to think about the reason Louis went and did that, he just knew that Louis did it and it wasn't a photoshopped picture but actually a picture of his boyfriend's lips on someone else's, and not on a girl's, which would explain the "management's role" in it but Louis was kissing a guy.

******

Groaning due to lack of sleep, Louis simply rolled around the bed when he heard his phone vibrating on his bedside table.

"hulooo",Louis' voice came out all rough and husky.

"hi.." Louis' entire body freezed after hearing that voice because there was no way in hell that he would not recognize Harry's voice.

"h-hi", Louis didn't even trust his voice anymore at this point of time.

"i am gonna swing by your house today and pick up last of my clothes and stuff. I need them. When will you be available?", Harry's voice was nothing but automated with no feelings or emotions and Louis was so close to breaking down and bawl his eyes out because this was not the Harry that he knew, the one he fell in love with. His Harry would never be this cold with him.

"I m...uhh.. I am free the whole day.. Uhh.. Swing by anytime.",Louis could feel his voice breaking and he could even feel the wet patch around his eyes.

"fine" and even before Louis could say a simple 'goodbye' or even a 'see you', he could hear Harry's line going off on the other side.. Harry just hung up on him..

Dropping the phone on the bed, Louis just pressed his face harder on his pillow and scream and cried because he could withstand Harry hating him but not this Harry, the one who doesn't show any emotions or the one who is completely closed off and cold.

*****

After calming himself for a few more minutes, Louis simply went ahead and showered, not even bothering to see if the water was warm. He was just numb.

Sighing, he walked down to his kitchen to fix himself a cuppa and maybe some cereal for later. Just as he took the warm cup in his hands and plopped down on the couch, he heard the doorbell ringing. Harry was here.

"Hi", Louis stepped aside making room for Harry to step into the house.

Harry didn't even greet him back and just went inside and was awkwardly standing in the middle of the living room waiting for Louis' permission to walk up to the bedroom.

Louis wanted to scream and shake Harry and knock some sense into him because he didn't need any permission, it's his room as well. But then he remembered that it wasn't anymore, that it is not THEIR house anymore.

" Can I?", Harry asked gesturing towards the bedroom while Louis simply nodded his head in approval.

Walking up to the room, Louis could feel him losing his strength to hold it together because he was so sure that he would start crying.

When Louis stepped inside the room, he already found Harry opening the cupboard to stuff in all that he came to take back.

"Umn.. do you, uhh want some tea?",Louis asked after clearing his throat.

"No. Thanks", Harry was so closed off and cold, every single word of his like a new dagger twisting deeper into Louis' heart.

Louis simply bowed his head down and walked to the furthest corner of the room, by the window, carefully propping over to sit by it. He pulled his knees closer to his chest and rested his head over it, blinking his eyes only to feel a few teardrops slipping past his eyes and down his cheek. Louis carefully brushed aside the stray tears with his shirtsleeves while breathing heavily. He gently turned his head towards Harry only to find the oversized lavender sweater in Harry's hand that Louis hid in the back. He didn't even think twice before scampering off towards Harry and snatching it away from him.

"WHAT THE HELL?", Louis almost flinched after hearing Harry shout like that because his Harry didn't lose his temper, especially not over a simple sweater.

"Pl-Please don't take it.", Louis didn't even care that he was crying at this point. He just didn't want Harry to take away the sweater, the sole piece of clothing that made him feel closer to Harry, made him feel protected.

"And why would I not?", Harry was still so cold and Louis just wanted to hide and never come back.

Harry simply reached out to snatch it away from Louis and all Louis could do was just hold it even tighter. _'If only he held onto Harry this tight',_ he thought to himself.

Louis fell onto the floor with a thud and constantly kept rocking back and forth chanting a constant 'Please don't take it'. Harry didn't want to hear that constant pleading anymore.

" This is the last thing that I have of you", Louis' voice would not even have been heard but Harry definitely did hear.

" You lost me the day you decided I wasn't enough for you, Louis. And I am not talking about the stunts that management made you do."

Louis could hear the front door open and close with a heavy sound and that was finally when Louis registered the fact that Harry took the sweater with him.

" ** _And I am not talking about the stunts that management made you do."_**

 

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks if you read it :)


End file.
